Received a letter in the mail from the Voice clinic at the Ottawa hospital regarding the referral for voice feminization. They are full and no longer taking patients for feminization / masculization of the voice. They did include the names and numbers of a couple of private voice therapists to obtain the service.
The question now is, do I really need it?
It would be a cost that I haven’t budgeted for, but may be a worthwhile excersise. I am going to see how well I do without the therapy for now and go from there.
The past two weekends I have spent the whole weekend as Talia.
The weekend of the 18th I went with my ex to get her a new cell phone during the afternoon followed by Gender Mosaic’s monthly social. On Sunday of the weekend went to a poetry event and out for hot & sour soup afterwards.
This past weekend I went down to the market on Saturday to meet up with a friend. We went to a few shops and sat on a patio and had afternoon tea. It felt perfectly natural to be out and about as Talia. Even though I’m not all that feminine looking yet and my voice needs work I had no issues at all.
Saturday morning I actually introduced myself as Talia in a dream – first time that’s happened. I can’t recall any dream where I have introduced myself by my male name. My subconscious is pushing me forward.
At the end of the weekend I didn’t want to stop being Talia and work in my male persona. I have a feeling being fully out and living as Talia at the ‘sooner’ end of my own mental time line. I also compiled a list of people I will have to come out to either in person, via letter or by phone. Looking at the list I think there will be certain family members that will be difficult – they can’t even handle someone being gay, let alone trans.
Despite the challenges it feels great to finally be able to be ‘me’.
My sessions with my Psych are going well.
Today I was talking about how I feel, confidence as Talia and that I’m thinking of myself more and more as Talia.
There is another person in the house now, renting the basement, and I introduced myself as Talia without thinking. I’m going to be introducing myself more as Talia to new people in social settings.
I’m also planning to start laser hair removal on my face soon, only factor that’s holding me back at this point are finances. I can’t wait to not have to shave my face. I’ve never particularly liked it.
I brought up the topic of my voice and speaking and she is sending in a referral to a voice therapist. She also gave some pointers on how to speak more generally in a feminine way. I was also warned off some of the tapes that are available because they can cause damage to the voice.
It has been an interesting five weeks.
My marriage is pretty much over, it was probably coming for some time. We’re still friends and get together every so often. Especially if she has computer problems at home
My new accommodations are working out well and are comfortable. I’m still organizing things and getting used to being in a different part of Ottawa. It’s still not all that far from things and other than at rush hour getting downtown isn’t a problem.
I’ve also been helping a friend deal with an ex who is using her daughter to punish her. Can’t really go into much detail. He is an emotional vampire and abusive.
My counselling is going well and transition is moving forward at a slow but steady pace. Part of me wants it to be faster, but most of me knows it is much better to take my time. I’m living more as Talia when not working and find myself thinking as Talia more and more. Much more natural to me.