A lot can Change in Three years.

It has been only three years since I moved to Ottawa. Three years ago I was married. I was on anti-depressants and had ballooned to almost 250 lbs from around 170 or so. Three years ago if you would have told me that in September 2011 I would be a transsexual woman, and a politically active one at that, I would have asked what you were smoking.

Three years ago we moved to Ottawa from Gananoque. My partner was starting a new job that seemed perfect for her, I would still do some work with clients in Kingston and develop new business in Ottawa. A good plan. Life didn’t quite work out that way.

In the years prior to the move I had suffered from depression that was rather severe at times. Ottawa was supposed to be something of a new start. It was, just not in a way that either of us expected.

January 2009 I had my Epiphany and we separated. My transitioning was too much after everything in the previous few years. Summer of 2009 was perhaps my worst depression. Anti-depresants were doing nothing for me, I had no money for them so I stopped taking them. I was very close to killing myself.

Fast forward to now. September 2011. I am a woman now, lost much of the weight I’d put on thanks to anti-depressants. Confident, active and out there. Confident enough not to be ashamed of myself or my past.

What a difference in three years.

6 Replies to “A lot can Change in Three years.”

  1. I am so glad you are happy with who you are. I love you and am very proud to call you my daughter.

  2. A lot can happen in 3 years – I’m happy that you’re through the bad times, and am proud to call you my niece.

  3. Yay! I’m so glad you were able to get her! In a few days are a three-year anniversary for me – of my first therapy appointment. It was an unduly long road but earlier this year I was able to get to the point where I could socially transition, and life has been ever the better.

    • *hugs* I’ve had some form of deisesrpon since I was 11, so I know how it is. I saw doctors throughout my teens but they never manned up and gave me medication, even when I was self-harming. The dumbasses referred me to the school counselor who made me play with fucking pipe cleaners and talk about my pipecleaner colour choices and why I wound them the way I did. (Sorry, just talking about this brings up repressed rage over how incompetent my doctors and school counselor were.) Anyway, since that shit obviously didn’t work I just had to suck it up and try to be normal for a while. Admittedly I never cried all that much, but I just wasn’t an incredibly positive or happy person, y’know? But in the first year of uni it got bad enough where I was like “I feel *so* flat and like everything is too hard, and all I want to do is sleep all day because I’m constantly exhausted” so I went to the doctor and they FINALLY gave me medication and sent me to a legit psychologist. The psychologist helped a lot. I didn’t feel this massive sense of relief after talking to her each week like I thought I would, but life just felt a little bit easier and I can’t talk to my parents or friends about anything like that so it was nice to have a confidante. Admittedly I stopped seeing her because she changed practices and it was hard to get to and I had family issues, but she was a great help at the time. Jsyk medication takes a while to get “right”, unfortunately. I started on Effexor and it just made me feel incredibly flat and a little bit nauseous. Coming off it was worse though, I got these things that can only be described as brain shocks, it feels like when you have a falling dream and flail and wake up when you hit the ground, only it’s in your brain and you can’t tell if you’ve actually flailed or anything. It’s so weird but kind of funny XD Anyway they took me off Effexor to go on something else and it’s much better. *hugs* if you need to talk about anything you can always message me

    • I just want you to know that we are all here for you if you ever need some one to talk to. You are loved by so many of us. I know may peploe with depression, its not a made up thing, its an actual condition. I know that peploe think its just some made up thing. Its because either they know no one that has it or they never had it themselves. I have anxiety, not to a point that I need meds or anything like that. But I know I have it. I have suffered from depression a lot more in my HS years. Even now I have my bad days. But its more controllable? I hope that makes sense, haha. So I know what its like. Its not fun at all. I wish you the best of luck. Remember we are all here for you. <3

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